I haven’t had a night like this in quite sometime. Maybe it’s the wind or rain that has placed me in a state of thought. My thoughts are pumping rapidly and I can barely put them together. The wind is no longer calming me it’s evoking me to sit up and write out my thoughts as they come into my mind. I have been on this yo-yo trip. Going up and down…..back and forth not wanting to stop figuring and readjusting plans and plots. I thought I had it all figured out and mapped out….the plot lines of course. But somehow I started writing and my story went into a direction that had the characters confused and me too. My story became a bit drastic and even something eerie mixed with comic relief mixed with reality. I am well pass my bedtime but this storyline must be revamped line by line. The mind of a writer is quite intense…
I have been away for far too long but I must admit my retreat was well deserved but( and there is always a but) transitioning my children into public school for the first time was scary as hell, and sort of took away from the cool and laid back writing retreat I planned for myself as soon as I decided to send them off to school.
All mothers and fathers know that somehow plans never seem to flow just as smoothy as you expect. My mama bear smothering over her cubs syndrome didn’t really allow my heart the awesome opportunity to drop my children off cheerfully in the drop off circle and wave goodbye. No, that would have been wayyyy too normal. Instead, I walked them in everyday and stayed close to their sides like white on rice. I think my daughters classmates thought that I actually worked there for a minute but( and there is always a but) somehow motherhood and my burning internal desire to help and save people, places, things, and good music somehow turned my attention away from writing my butt off and into parent volunteer mode and how to teach my babies how to effectively line the toilet, squat, flush with feet and sanitize everything.
Being a Mother isn’t as easy as it seems and in fact it is much more difficult than trying to create an effective protagonist and antagonist or a stream of consciousness piece that my readers will actually understand. In fact, this motherhood remixed with wifehood are the most difficult gigs I have ever had. The freaking expectations are the worse like providing clean clothes daily ( for everyone…ughhh), dinner( or at least groceries in the house..still ughhhhh), and paying bills( somewhat on time……triple ughhh) but I must not complain too much because my husband and I share this cooperative team work makes the dream work ideology that I never seem to get because I never played sports so when we hurdle( I think that’s spelled right) up to figure out our next parental move I sort of just stand there trying to figure out why in the world does my husband still think that he is in college playing ball and gathering around trying to figure out moves.
As you can clearly see I am a bit of a mommy rebel. I am not like those super star, overachieving, fundraising loving, I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner plus volunteer and clean type of moms. Oh, no…..I want to live so I decided to chill. I have realized that this motherhood and wife stuff does not come with an effective manual that fits all and that when I feel like running around in circles screaming and waving my arms frantically in the air; that’s quite normal and even if the laundry closet is my newest hang out spot which I managed to squeeze a bean bag chair into and a mini extra quiet expresso machine that fits perfectly on the middle towel shelf, is normal too(semi). A mommy/wife/writer has to do what she has to do…….