Excerpt from, Who Gave You The Right a story within Ain’t Good For My Soul:
June 20, 2014
” I can’t get the sound of my mothers’ voice. The voice I have heard my whole life out of my head. Just last night she whispered hidden thoughts into my ears. Thoughts that should have remained uncovered. Thoughts I can’t seem to shake off. Those words. The words are lingering around in my head and I can’t seem to get them to stop. Her soft and sweet whispers are sounds that no daughter or son for that matter should have to hear from their mother; the first woman I learned to trust. The whispers are now escalating every second into louder sounds; ringing sounds; repeating sounds. Into cutting words. Damaging words”. GRAB YOUR COPY OF Ain’t Good For My Soul today!!! on amazon.com of course!!!
I never wanted to speak like someone else, or write like someone else. I have always loved myself through all of my flaws and all. As I listen to people and hear grips and groans about how they desire to be somebody else. I realize that not loving yourself is scary, painful, and something I pray my daughters never experience. We must love the uniqueness God gave us and utilize to live on purpose.
God made us special and unique for a reason. Not to desire to be like somebody else…..that’s a sin but we are to love our self authentically and others. But how can we truly love our neighbor when we don’t love ourselves.
Time to life life and let your individual light shine!!!!
After the day has passed away I am usually left in my thoughts. Trying to figure out who is true, who is fake, which way to go, which risk to dive into, who to share it with, and who to partner with.
Honestly, I went wrong when I tried to figure. I am slowly learning to break away from my trust issues and just say a prayer and be confident in knowing that God is guiding me and that I am ok. It’s not easy living in a world that loves to take advantage of people when you have a giving and lifting people up type of spirit. Especially when you find yourself lifting, and pouring into others that really would never do the same for you which doesn’t make them a horrible person but it has taught me to take care of Dee first and STOP people pleasing and it should teach you same thing.I am learning that I am not selfish for loving on Dee. I can still help others but I am learning to first help myself and that’s the truth. Now, I just gotta put that taking care of Dee thing into action.
Peace and Blessing to you all…….Enjoy your weekend!!!
I rubbed my fingers through a pile of mustard seeds just to see and feel for myself how small they actually were. Now, I suppose my faith is strong. Strong enough to overcede a mustard seed. I watched how they rolled out of my hand and through the openings in the palms of my hands until there was nothing else left. I got up from my chair convinced that my faith would push through doors and boundaries that I couldn’t even imagine. I was sure that the mustard seed had nothing on the faith I had tucked away in me. At that moment I knew the battles I faced were in need of a boost of faith and me falling down onto my knees in total submission.
Now, I got up and walked away and no more than a day when everything seemed to be falling down I downgraded my prayer and starting saying if it’s in your will and I stopped and something came to me. Now in the bible it’s written that, “You ask and do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives so that you may spend it on your own pleasures”( James 4:3) Now, a big fine house with a pool out in the back is great but what about world hunger, missionaries fighting for their lives, safety in our country and throughout the world, peace, togetherness in the communities, better schools? We must start praying and unselfishly for peace, favor, and grace over leaders, communities, family members, and self and watch how that little mustard seed of faith and praise will make a impact… a positive impact..
I haven’t had a night like this in quite sometime. Maybe it’s the wind or rain that has placed me in a state of thought. My thoughts are pumping rapidly and I can barely put them together. The wind is no longer calming me it’s evoking me to sit up and write out my thoughts as they come into my mind. I have been on this yo-yo trip. Going up and down…..back and forth not wanting to stop figuring and readjusting plans and plots. I thought I had it all figured out and mapped out….the plot lines of course. But somehow I started writing and my story went into a direction that had the characters confused and me too. My story became a bit drastic and even something eerie mixed with comic relief mixed with reality. I am well pass my bedtime but this storyline must be revamped line by line. The mind of a writer is quite intense…
It’s racing at a pace I can’t even calculate. My creativity is overflowing AND starting to spew out onto blank screens. Producing masterpieces of black splashes laid neatly onto rows with elegant pearl white backdrops. I can’t explain it and nevertheless contain it. This story in my mind and heart must be birthed out……..it has to be birthed and not aborted for this is too great of a work brewing ready to intoxicate the minds of readers here and there. These labor pains are a bit intense just bare with me for a bit…..