I rubbed my fingers through a pile of mustard seeds just to see and feel for myself how small they actually were. Now, I suppose my faith is strong. Strong enough to overcede a mustard seed. I watched how they rolled out of my hand and through the openings in the palms of my hands until there was nothing else left. I got up from my chair convinced that my faith would push through doors and boundaries that I couldn’t even imagine. I was sure that the mustard seed had nothing on the faith I had tucked away in me. At that moment I knew the battles I faced were in need of a boost of faith and me falling down onto my knees in total submission.
Now, I got up and walked away and no more than a day when everything seemed to be falling down I downgraded my prayer and starting saying if it’s in your will and I stopped and something came to me. Now in the bible it’s written that, “You ask and do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives so that you may spend it on your own pleasures”( James 4:3) Now, a big fine house with a pool out in the back is great but what about world hunger, missionaries fighting for their lives, safety in our country and throughout the world, peace, togetherness in the communities, better schools? We must start praying and unselfishly for peace, favor, and grace over leaders, communities, family members, and self and watch how that little mustard seed of faith and praise will make a impact… a positive impact..
I haven’t had a night like this in quite sometime. Maybe it’s the wind or rain that has placed me in a state of thought. My thoughts are pumping rapidly and I can barely put them together. The wind is no longer calming me it’s evoking me to sit up and write out my thoughts as they come into my mind. I have been on this yo-yo trip. Going up and down…..back and forth not wanting to stop figuring and readjusting plans and plots. I thought I had it all figured out and mapped out….the plot lines of course. But somehow I started writing and my story went into a direction that had the characters confused and me too. My story became a bit drastic and even something eerie mixed with comic relief mixed with reality. I am well pass my bedtime but this storyline must be revamped line by line. The mind of a writer is quite intense…
It’s racing at a pace I can’t even calculate. My creativity is overflowing AND starting to spew out onto blank screens. Producing masterpieces of black splashes laid neatly onto rows with elegant pearl white backdrops. I can’t explain it and nevertheless contain it. This story in my mind and heart must be birthed out……..it has to be birthed and not aborted for this is too great of a work brewing ready to intoxicate the minds of readers here and there. These labor pains are a bit intense just bare with me for a bit…..
After I snuggled into my bed with my white cheddar popcorn and room temperature red rock ginger ale. I started to flip through my Atlanta Parent magazine realizing at that very moment that I am now like one of those super attentive moms with team shirts and fundraising packets stuck closely to my chest. The very thing that I have dreaded and refused to get into. I was a mom. A mom that really wants that mini- van that I ridiculed for all of those years. Shame! What have I turned into?
The make-up departed when my baby was 2 year old and just forget wearing heels. Baby, I love my sneakers and tights. With a sporty tee of course and combs….what are those anyway? And Fashion has become a foreign word that I can no longer pronounce.
The fact is I am a mother….No, I am this famous lady, or flashy person. I am a mother and I am fine with that. Now, I must admit at times I feel like my identity has went to hell and stayed there because I have changed soooo much. Motherhood brings you into a place you never imagined being. A place that is suppose to take you away for selfish desires and focus on trying your best with the grace of God to raise your children to be God fearing, and productive citizens.
I had to really evaluate some things. Do I need to pump out books galore, go to work everyday, work a part-time job just to accumulate more things and have more time away from my daughters and husband. I think I am quite fine and blessed maybe I will go for that famous thing when the baby goes off to college. Who knows>>>>>
Ok, I must admit that writing is truly a passion of mines and there are no buts about it. I love writing out all of my complex thoughts and odd scenarios. It’s as if my imagination, worries, and fears intertwine for a literary pow-wow which is not only therapy sort of but it creates some really good stuff. I just really felt like I needed to write something on here so there it was. Have a blessed evening folks!
I walked into the room with my hot pink leg warmers pulled up high and my matches sweat band gripping my head tightly with a water bottle and towel held tightly in my right hand. The sign on door still has a fresh smell of marker lingering around as I pulled the door knob to enter into the line dancing 101 class. I didn’t know what to expect but for some strange reason I knew that was going to have a strangely weird experience. I can’t follow directions and my attention span is none to be desired so this was sure to be something. I just didn’t know what. Immediately a lady with the biggest red hair saw me. “You are new aren’t ya” she said in a southern accent as I reached down to pull my leg warmers back up over my legs. I nodded my head rather gently…
I walked into the room with my hot pink leg warmers pulled up high and my matches sweat band gripping my head tightly with a water bottle and towel held tightly in my right hand. The sign on door still has a fresh smell of marker lingering around as I pulled the door knob to enter into the line dancing 101 class. I didn’t know what to expect but for some strange reason I knew that was going to have a strangely weird experience. I can’t follow directions and my attention span is none to be desired so this was sure to be something. I just didn’t know what. Immediately a lady with the biggest red hair saw me. “You are new aren’t ya” she said in a southern accent as I reached down to pull my leg warmers back up over my legs. I nodded my head rather gently and hoped that she wouldn’t try to hold me for enormously long conversations. I quickly rushed over to the corner of the room because I knew that I needed ample space to mess up in. The room started to fill up quickly with ladies who were much more ripe than my 34 years of age. I started to relax and chill because I thought surely these ladies couldn’t out due me. There was no way. So, I rubbed my hands together slowly and softly gearing myself up as I looked around the room.
“Ladies welcome…welcome.. the first dance is Sheila”, everybody had these dreadfully serious looks on their faces as raised brows looked sternly at the instructor for directions. I knew in my heart and soul that I was going to be doing my own moves but then the unthinkable happened. IT WAS TWO instructors and one came and stood right next to me. There was no way for me to run now. They could see the entire room. I cracked my knuckles and rolled my neck slowly knowing that now things just got a little serious. The music came on and bounced off of the walls as hands clapped and fingers snapped. There was no turning back now. I had to move, shack, and go in the same dang on direction.
Line Dancing part 2 ughhhh ughhh ughhhh coming soon.