Life…….

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After the day has passed away I am usually left in my thoughts. Trying to figure out who is true, who is fake, which way to go, which risk to dive into, who to share it with, and who to partner with.

Honestly, I went wrong when I tried to figure. I am slowly learning to break away from my trust issues and just say a prayer and be confident in knowing that God is guiding me and that I am ok. It’s not easy living in a world that loves to take advantage of people when you have a giving and lifting people up type of spirit.  Especially when you find yourself lifting, and pouring into others that really would never do the same for you which doesn’t make them a horrible person but it has  taught me to take care of Dee first and STOP people pleasing and it should teach you same thing.I am learning that I am not selfish for loving on Dee. I can still help others but I am learning to first help myself and that’s the truth. Now, I just gotta put that taking care of Dee thing into action.

Peace and Blessing to you all…….Enjoy your weekend!!!

Mommy vs. Fame

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After I snuggled into my bed with my white cheddar popcorn and room temperature red rock ginger ale. I started to flip through my Atlanta Parent magazine realizing at that very moment that I am now like one of those super attentive moms with team shirts and fundraising packets stuck closely to my chest. The very thing that I have dreaded and refused to get into. I was a mom. A mom that really wants that mini- van that I ridiculed for all of those years. Shame! What have I turned into?

The make-up departed when my baby was 2 year old and just forget wearing heels. Baby, I love my sneakers and tights. With a sporty tee of course and combs….what are those anyway? And Fashion has become a foreign word that I can no longer pronounce.

The fact is I am a mother….No, I am this famous lady, or flashy person. I am a mother and I am fine with that. Now, I must admit at times I feel like my identity has went to hell and stayed there because I have changed soooo much. Motherhood brings you into a place you never imagined being. A place that is suppose to take you away for selfish desires and focus on trying your best with the grace of God to raise your children to be God fearing, and productive citizens.

I had to really evaluate some things. Do I need to pump out books galore, go to work everyday, work a part-time job just to accumulate more things and have more time away from my daughters and husband. I think I am  quite fine and blessed maybe I will go for that famous thing when the baby goes off to college. Who knows>>>>>

Love, peace and blessing to you all….

Line Dancing ughhhhh!!!

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I walked into the room with my hot pink leg warmers pulled up high and my matches sweat band gripping my head tightly with a water bottle and towel held tightly in my right hand. The sign on door still has a fresh smell of marker lingering around as I pulled the door knob to enter into the line dancing 101 class. I didn’t know what to expect but for some strange reason I knew that was going to have a strangely weird experience. I can’t follow directions and my attention span is none to be desired so this was sure to be something. I just didn’t know what. Immediately a lady with the biggest red hair saw me. “You are new aren’t ya” she said in a southern accent as I reached down to pull my leg warmers back up over my legs. I nodded my head rather gently and hoped that she wouldn’t try to hold me for enormously long conversations. I quickly rushed over to the corner of the room because I knew that I needed ample space to mess up in. The room started to fill up quickly with ladies who were much more ripe than my 34 years of age. I started to relax and chill because I thought surely these ladies couldn’t out due me. There was no way. So, I rubbed my hands together slowly and softly gearing myself up as I looked around the room.

“Ladies welcome…welcome.. the first dance is Sheila”, everybody had these dreadfully serious looks on their faces as raised brows looked sternly at the instructor for directions. I knew in my heart and soul that I was going to be doing my own moves but then the unthinkable happened. IT WAS TWO instructors and one came and stood right next to me. There was no way for me to run now. They could see the entire room. I cracked my knuckles and rolled my neck slowly knowing that now things just got a little serious. The music came on and bounced off of the walls as hands clapped and fingers snapped. There was no turning back now. I had to move, shack, and go in the same dang on direction.

Line Dancing part 2 ughhhh ughhh ughhhh coming soon.

Mommy Hide…Say What!

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I finally made it to my bed as I congregated with my pillows, and linen. For once I wasn’t  rushing to get my girls off to school as we search for that one shoe that mysteriously goes missing on the mornings that we wake up a hour late and I wasn’t  impatiently waiting in that long smug infused carpool pick up line. For just once I wasn’t debating with my four year old over the reasons why she shouldn’t be singing that alphabet song and how it has mentally messed up a ton of kids on understanding that L, M, N, O, and P are indeed separate letters.

To be perfectly honest with you all I had  anticipated this moment of slight freedom, peace, quietness, and alone time with my computer and thoughts but somehow my children had some other warped plan oozing out of their minds that didn’t include peace and instead included that awesome enemy of mines, Mr. Frayed Ohhh I’m Going Insane Nerves.

Just as my eyelids started to close after I wrote the most intense scene of my life( well, at least I think so and that’s all that count’s…right???)

And before my body totally relaxed down out of nowhere I heard  it…. the sound of children…two of them…..fighting. Then they shouted out in unison, Mommyyyyyyy and held that y out unti they both ran out of air. One would fade out and then the other one will start right back up. At that moment I realized that my date with myself and my computer and even sleep had been cut short. I figured that I would just sit there in my big comfy bed and maybe they would stop but somehow I should have known a little better.

Then I decided to hide….oh yes…. I decided to hide…. under blankets and covers too until the storm was over. Before I could get settled in I heard my door slowly opening as the hinges creaked and I remained still as I could.

“Mommy is sleep”, one of them whispered

At that moment I think I contemplated on remaining still or running out of the room screaming and yelling leaving them behind looking and wondering what was going on with me. Instead, I remained still. I thought that perhaps I had escaped the children for this one night but then my oldest child with much aggression and authority said, “No she is not…she is pretending”. By now I figured they had me cornered but I wasn’t giving in so quickly so I still didn’t make a noise. I heard somebody sliding over my step stool and I knew that my pretending was over and before I could scream gotcha both of my girls had pulled the covers off of me and even had the nerve to push my laptop over. I looked at them both as they rubbed their little eyes and climbed up on my bed only to snuggle up close to my side. I think we stayed up for a few more hours and after they decided to fall asleep in my bed I pulled out my computer and then wrote the second most wonderful scene of my life…..

Mommy Writers are special people….indeed!!!

Mommy/Writer/ WIFE…….That’s my life

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I have been away for far too long but I must admit my retreat was well deserved but( and there is always a but) transitioning my children into public school for the first time was scary as hell, and sort of took away from the cool and laid back writing retreat I planned for myself as soon as I decided to send them off to school.

All mothers and fathers know that somehow plans never seem to flow just as smoothy as you expect.  My mama bear smothering over her cubs syndrome didn’t really allow my heart the awesome opportunity to drop my children off cheerfully in the drop off circle and wave goodbye. No, that would have been wayyyy too normal. Instead, I walked them in everyday and stayed close to their sides like white on rice. I think my daughters classmates thought that I actually worked there for a minute but( and there is always a but) somehow motherhood and my burning internal desire to help and save people, places, things, and good music somehow turned my attention away from writing my butt off and into parent volunteer mode and how to teach my babies how to effectively line the toilet, squat, flush with feet and sanitize everything.

Being a Mother isn’t as easy as it seems and in fact it is much more difficult than trying to create an effective protagonist and antagonist or a stream of consciousness piece that my readers will actually understand. In fact, this motherhood remixed with wifehood are the most difficult gigs I have ever had.  The freaking expectations are the worse like  providing clean clothes daily ( for everyone…ughhh), dinner( or at least groceries in the house..still ughhhhh), and paying bills( somewhat on time……triple ughhh) but I must not complain too much because my husband and I share this cooperative team work makes the dream work ideology that I never seem to get because I never played sports so when we hurdle( I think that’s spelled right) up to figure out our next parental move I sort of just stand there trying to figure out why in the world does my husband still think that he is in college playing ball and gathering around trying to figure out moves.

As you can clearly see I am a bit of a mommy rebel. I am not like those super star, overachieving, fundraising loving, I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner plus volunteer and clean type of moms. Oh, no…..I want to live so I decided to chill. I have realized that this motherhood and wife stuff does not come with an effective manual that fits all and that when I feel like running around in circles screaming and waving my arms frantically in the air; that’s quite normal and even if the laundry closet is my newest hang out spot which I managed to squeeze a bean bag chair into and a mini extra quiet expresso machine that fits perfectly on the middle towel shelf, is normal too(semi).  A mommy/wife/writer has to do what she has to do…….